Dangan Ronpa 2 Abridged: Goodbye Sanity
by FreezeThunder
Summary: "Trapped on island by a talking rabbit, who then got took over by a talking bear. Now we have to kill each other to survive and everyone around is out of their mind. And if my only two options are to die or survive, get me a gun because I have officially lost my sanity too"
1. Episode 1: Panic at the Everything!

**Hellloooooo my people of the Dang goniest Rum-uh. As out have most certainly read the title because I can assume you all can read because you wouldn't be on a site dedicated for writing stuff for people to read, this is an Dangan Ronpa 2 abridged in writing form. Why? BEACAUSE YOUR MOTHER SUCKS C-**

 ***BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP***

 **-sorry about that. Reason why is because I don't have the editing software to make an abridged series, I'm writitng on my Surface Pro 2 and I'm pretty sure it can't download those stuff nor do I have the money for it. Another reason is that I was bored and thought this would be a good idea. So as of probably now this brings the total of "multi chapter stories I have to work on" to 3...yay.**

 **And a little homage to Faulerro because he quit abridging, props to ya man! Love your work! Wish you the best! Now under abridging media under article g in sub paragraph 8, I am entitled to inform you all that if any character you like you think is being bashed in any way is in no seriousness whatsoever, just for jokes. And I'm also suppossed to say that I own nothing and Dangan Ronpa, Super Dangan Ronpa 2, and Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode are all owned by their respective creators. Please support the offcial release!**

 **Oh PS, there will be screen transactions that will be represented by this: *swish* scene here *swish*. Why? Simple,...shut up.**

"Hnnngh! Unnh. Huh? Wh-where am I? Wh-what happen...end?" Hajime opens his eyes and sees Nagito sitting above him smiling

"I had such a good time last night" He says seductively

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

 _*swish* A few hours ago *swish*_

"I'm Hajime Hinata. An average high school student going to an extremely abnormal school. Hope's Peak Academy. I've wanted to go hear ever since I was a child, to graduate from here is basically giving a giant middle finger to every other high school graduate because you're the best that you can be. While that my story is a little different but that doesn't matter because I'm happy, I'm here and nothing is going to ruin this for me-768657354789&^%$%^&^%$FBNGFDCVBHGTRE%$# #$%tt8349ruoh'iygv4hofjiou hgbn5 783c49r34#%$^%#$#^Y%#&%$^JV$HC#  
V T $  
VY%#^U&B&%^# %H$U&*KI %MVI KJU%UN^&M^IO^MIV%UN CYCYNU KIUMYUN tRhio5hopb  
yvbykboiht8g9pj4ofivhu'bijopcmrubioh'vjop32h589gp30$^%^$#$^&%*^$&^#%^$

...

...

...

...

"Hey"

...

...

...

"Hey"

...

...

...

*spit*

"Huh? Ah! AH! EW, EW, EW, EW! Pfft! Pittoe! Pfffffft! Bleh! What the f#ck?!" Hajime said waking up in disgust wiping his tongue.

"Hahahaha, I told you guys it would work" A laughing Hiyoko said to the rest of the people amongst her.

"Um, so who are you guys?" Hajime asks getting up on his feet looking around

"I assume in the same predicament as us" Byakuya said

"Freshmen for Hope's Peak academy. Don't remember how we got here. Woken up by the girl's salvia" Kazuichi said cringing at the last part.

"Eheheheheheh" Hiyoko giggled in delight

"Yeah. So what now? What are we all doing here?" Hajime asks

"I'm sure if we found that out we wouldn't still be here, you skinny, hedgehog headed bastard" Fuyuhiko said to him

"Um...okay, sorry?" Hajime said confused by the sudden remark

"Hey hey! That language is not acceptable here in this school environment!" A voice said

"*gasp* THE WALLS HAVE VOICES!" Ibuki shrieked

"No, I think it came from behind the desk" Chiaki said pointing to the teacher's desk

Then, a plushed bunny came jumping from behind the teacher's desk wearing a sailor's outfit.

"Hello students, I'm Usami. Magical Miracle-"

"Jesus Christ! Is that a f#cking gremlin!?" Akane asked

"N-no! I'm Usami. You're magical, fluffy, cuddly teacher!" Usami said

"Whatever, just no one feed that f#cking thing after midnight" Akane said

"But back to reality or more rather what's of it 30 seconds ago, what are you?" Fuyuhiko said

"A rabbit, silly" Usmai answered

"Yeah keep talking smart see where you end up after this" Fuyuhiko threanted

"Typical men threatening the weak women" Mahiru complained

"But um, seriously here why is our teacher a rabbit?" Teruteru asked

"Not just any rabbit, a magical rabbit!" Usami corrected

"Do we look like we're five year olds?" Hiyoko asked

"Well actually you and him look like-" Hajime started saying but was cut off

"Keep talking and I spit your mouth again"

"Ok"

"But I can prove it, watch!" Usami said. Then the walls around the room started to fall down and then they were at a tropical beach "Ta-da! Magic! Neat huh?"

...

*Hajime faints*

 _*swish* Back to the Present *swish*_

"Hey sorry man, I just wanted to mess with you" Nagito said sheepishly scrathcing the back of his neck

"Yeah yeah, ow my head" Hajime said getting up remebering what happened

"By the way, when you screamed your words shot right at me like a bullet. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"...No"

"...Huh. Well anyway I'm Nagito Komaeda, Ultimate Lucky Student. I **HOPE** we can get along"

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"When you said 'hope' your eyes swirled up for a second and your voice got all demonic like"

"Wow that certainly is weird, please tell me when I do that again. **HOPE** -fully it'll be never"

"...Just...take me to the others"

 _*swish* With Byakyua *swish*_

"I'm Byakuya Togami, Ultimate Affulent Progeny. I'm very rich that's all you need to know" Byakuya said

"Wow are you fat!" Hajime said

"And you're more skinny than any buffalo wings I have ever seen. How does it feel now?"

"...Not...good?"

"Exactly peasant, now leave"

 _*swish* With Ibuki *swish*_

"Kunichiwa, I'm Ibuki Mioda the ultimatest of the ultimate musicians! And one the kawiiest girls here!" Ibuki spoke loudly

"Um, hi. I'm Hajime Hinata" Hajime said awkwardly

"You're the fainted right, that was so yoki yoki yoki!"

"What?"

"I said that you were so yoki yoki yoki"

"Yeah, I'm gonna go now"

 _*swish* With Mikan *swish*_

"Um..." Mikan nervously spoke

"Hello, I'm Hajime Hinata. And I wanted to get your name-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"Oh god! Oh, oh god! Um, please stop crying I-I-I...I didn't even-"

"Wow, bullying girls Hajime. Not cool" Nagito said shaking his head

"But I didn't even-OH MY LORD IT'S STARING TO FLOOD! OH JESUS WHY?! STOP CRYING PLEASE! WHERE ARE THE PAPER TOWLES IN THIS PLACE?! OH GOD, OH GOD!"

 _*swish* With Gundham *swish*_

"Greetings mortal. I am Gundham Tanaka! Overlord of ice of darkness! A prodigy born in the fireist depths of hell, created to walk amongst you and rule you peons! My power has no limits, and goes on eternally! Even in my sleep I-" Gundham kept saying

"Um...what's his talent?" Hajime asked

"An animal breeder" Nagito answered

"Huh? Really?"

"-but before creation must come destruction! And there enters my Four Dark Devas of Destruction! They may look small but do not be fooled, it merely a disguise for their true forms might destroy the world in an instant! You should be thanking me that I keep them under control! But! Make me angry and I assure you that you will not leave to see light ever again-"

"Let's just leave"

 _*swish* With Kazuichi *swish*_

"Hello there, I'm Kazuichi Soda and I-"

"Nobody cares about you!" Hiyoko said coming out of nowhere, changing the scene from the airport to the ranch

"Wait what?!" Hajime asks in severe confusion

"Hi, I'm Hiyoko Saionji, Ultimate Loli aka Ultimate Traditional Dancer"

"Um...you can speak normally right?"

"Yeah"

"Ok good. What are you doing by the way?"

"Squishing ants"

"Why? What did they do to you?"

"Exist"

"Wow, 15.5 seconds. That's a new record on how quick I dislike somebody"

 _*swish* With Akane *swish*_

"Yo I'm Akane Owari, Ultimate Gymnast. I like fighting, food, aaaaaannnnndd that's about it"

"Well you're certainly well-rounded aren't you?" Hajime said sarcastically

"Just like my boobs. Wanna feel them?"

"WHAT?! NO!" Hajime yelled blushing

 _*swish* With Fuyuhiko *swish*_

"Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu, Yakuza. Now make like a tree and f#ck off"

"Can you even climb a tree?" Hajime asks

"No, but I can f#ck your bitch!" Fuyuhiko puts on sun glasses, then "where the hood at" start playing followed by the words "Thug Life" appearing

 _*swish* With Nekomaru *swish*_

"I AM NEKOMARUUUUUU NIDAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"OW MY EARS!" Hajime cried in pain

 _*swish* With Mahiru *swish*_

"Hey, aren't you the one who passed out earlier?" Mahiru asked

"Um...yes" Hajime answered

"Men shouldn't pass out, men have to protect the women!"

"Um...alright?"

"But women can take care for themselves just as much as men so don't always protect us!"

"...okay?"

"Be confident and stand up tall! Men always have to act confident!"

"Um-"

"But women can just as confident, don't forget that!"

"What's your tumblr account?"

"sjw-gal4va"

"That explains it"

 _*swish* With Peko *swish*_

"I'm Peko Pekoyama. The Ultimate Swordswoman"

...

...

"Is...that it?"

"Bitch, I'mma cut you"

"Leaving"

 _*swish* With Chiaki *swish*_

"ZZZZZZZZZZZ"

*Hajime snaps his fingers*

"zzzz-huh? Oh, right. I'm...Chiaki...Na-zzzzzzzzzzz!"

*Hajime snaps his fingers*

"zzzzzzz-na-na-nanami. Ultimate Gamer. But...you can call me what other guys call me"

"What's that?"

"Waifu"

"Aww, you're an adorable little cinnamon roll aren't you?"

*Komaeda grunts in the background*

 _*swish* With Sonia and Terutreru *swish*_

"Hello, I'm Princess Sonia Nevermind of the Noveslic Kingdom" Sonia greeted

"Oh my god! An actual English name!" Hajime said astonished "Wait, Novelsic? I've never heard of that place before"

"Really? It's right in between Voalhalria and Hexutec"

"...Suuuure it is"

"And I'm Teruteru Hanamura, I'm a cook. And don't worry my fine friend, heh heh heh. I swing that way too"

"What?!"

"I swing every which way I want to. So, wanna get in on this?"

"No...oh dear god no!"

 _*swish* back at the beach *swish*_

"So how did it go meeting your new friends?" Usami asked happily

"I can confirm that everyone here is in someway, shape or form out of their minds! Also, friends? Making a lot of assumptions right now" Hajime answered

"Well, I have a way to turn your frown upside and down. We're going swimming!" Usami said holding up bags of swimsuits.

"Swimming?" Hajime then hears rumbling in the distance "What the heck is th-OH GOD NO!" Hajime gets trampled by everyone as they sing the theme song to Free!, grab the swimsuits and go in the ocean. Except for Chiaki, Byakuya, Fuyuhiko, and Hiyoko. "Ow, why does everything here hurt me?!"

Hajime then got up and looked out at the beach where a lot of the others were.

"Heeeeeyy! Who wants some sun tan lotion on them?" Teruteru offered "Peko? How about you?"

"Bitch, I'mma cut you" Peko threatened

"What kind of sand castle are you making?" Sonia asked

"What?! A mere sand 'castle'?" Gundham asked offended "Foolish woman! I am not making any castle, these are the blueprints for the Tanaka Empire! When I have the materials in my possession this will be the end of mankind! Mark my words, the Tanaka Empire shall rule the-"

"Um...Nagito? D-does this swimsuit...make my butt look big?" Mikan asked

"Well lets here-oh my sweet looorrrrddddd! I mean-no no, it's fine" Nagito said embarrssed

"HEY! Stop abusing her body for your perverted needs!" Mahiru yelled

"But she's the one who asked me-"

"Men who do that are the most disgusting pigs I have ever seen! God, this is why feminism needs to be spread!"

'They may all be chaotic, and random, and even a little crazy. But...they look like they're having fun here' Hajime thought to himself 'Yeah, fun. That's what this is all about right? Maybe, this isn't so bad. Maybe, I should loosen up. Maybe, things will be ok-'

"NO!" A voice yelled, then the sky turns black

"What the-" Usami asked before she was cut off by the voice, who came down and kicked her in the face.

"No! No! No no no no! No no no! No no no no! No no no no no no no no NO!" The voice surronded itself and Usami, broke her magical stick and changed her appearance to white and pink and her wearing a diaper.

"Huh? Why do I-"

"NO NO NO! NO NO NO NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NONONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEE!" The voice said as it jumped back, sat on top of a robot bird that shot Usami a million times with a Gatling gun turning her into little cotton pieces

"WHAT THE F#CK!" Hajime yelled

"What IS that thing!?" Fuyuhiko yelled

"What is going on here?!" Byakuya asked

"Why do we clothes on now?" Ibuki yelled

"*huff* *huff* *huff* *huff* Oh man did I need that" The voice said who turned out to be a half white, half black bear

"Who are you?" Nagito asked

"Me? I'm Monokuma! And I'm here to get this sh#t rolling! I mean c'mon! Fun times? Paradise? Give me a break! Do you even know what game this is, this isn't your 'hentai dating sim persona' game, this is DANGAN RONPA! And in DANGAN RONPA, we kill, we betray, we despair, all of that good stuff!" Monokuma explained

"W-wait?! Kill each other?!" Mikan shrieked

"Oh yeah, starting today you bitches are my bitches who kill all of these other bitches! You got bitches?"

"And if we refuse?" Peko asked

"Do...do you not see the giant robots behind me?"

"WHAT THE F#CK!" Kazuichi shrieked

"So if don't do what I say, you'll end up just like Monomi"

"Wait, Monomi? Who's that?" Sonia asked

"Oh my new sister I just adopted. She's right the-" Monokuma looks at the cotton pieces and the bow that has bullet holes in it "Oh...right, I killed her. Huh. Oopsie doodle"

...

...

...

*Hajime faints*

 _*swish* The next day, at the hotel restaurant *swish*_

"...I fainted again didn't I?" Hajime asks

"Yep" Akane answered

"This wasn't a dream, was it?"

"Nope" Nagito answered

"*licks lips* And Hiyoko spat in my mouth didn't she?"

"Twice" Kazuichi said

"BLECK!"

"Hahahaha, never gets old" Hiyoko laughed

"So what were we doing before?" Chiaki asked

"I was asking all of you what do you think we need right now?" Byakuya asked

"More food?" Akane suggested

"No"

"Sh#tting?" Nekomaru suggested

"Ew"

"Is it a bond of **HOPE**?" Nagito asked

"No"

"Are we just going just to ignore the he says that way or am I the only one who hears that?" Hajime asks

"Is it the true form of my four Dark Devas of-" Gundham started

"Just going to stop you right there. No, what we need is a leader to take action and to prevent killings. And lucky for you all that someone will be me" Byakuya announces

"Why do you have to do it! Why do you always act tough around the girls?!" Mahiru yelled

"Oh, you want to do this. Go ahead, pool's open, water's fine"

"Um...no..n-no thank you"

"Thought so"

"Heh, you really think with your fat ass you'll save anybody?" Fuyuhiko asked

"And do you think with you're small structure that you'll kill somebody?"

"Ooooohooohohoooo! He told you!" Hiyoko laughed

"You're smaller me!"

"HAH!"

"Back to business" Byakuya said "With me as your leader nothing shall ever stop-"

"Hey I heard you guys were having fun. Now stop having fun!" Monokuma said angrily

"How did we get outside?! Why is it nighttime?!" Hajime asked

"Now, Monomi and I have a little show for you guys"

"Wait, Monomi's alive?! HOW?! And is that a bomb up there?! Am I seriously the only who asks the logical questions here?!"

"Let's start off this show with a joke. Hey Monomi, what did the Tomato say to the grapes?"

"Um...nothing because those things can't actually talk?" Monomi guessed

...

...

*Monokuma punched Monomi sending her flying*

"Violence is not welcome in a school environment!" Monomi cries as she flies far and far away.

"Well we'll be skipping the jokes because Monomi is such a PARTY POOPER, I won't be beat around this bush anymore. This is a motive to make all of you kill each other" Monokuma said

"A motive...to kill?" Chiaki asks

"Yep. See you guys have your memories stolen by Monomi, so you're not really freshmen. And that there's a traitor in your group"

"Do you honestly believe someone will fall for that?" Peko asks

"Well I do know that one of you really wants to get off this island. So if you want to leave, you gotta kill someone and kill them fast, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Monokuma then disappeared

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Well f#ck us" Hajime said

THE END!

 **So, what do you guys think? Is there anything I could improve on? Let me know! And I'll see you again for more Dangan Ropa 2 Abridged! BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**


	2. Episode 2: Byakuya'sbitchin'party

**Time for the next episode brought to you by me of course, and also by Notepad and . So you better get them hatags in because it's time for Episode 2! #episode2 #DanganRonpa2Abridged #GoodbyeSanity #murder #Iownnothing #supporttheofficialrelease**

The next day at the hotel diner, the group was round sitting tables eating their breakfast

"Hey you know Hajime, we never did hear your special talent" Nagito said while eating a bagel

"Oh I guess you're right, well I...I...I...don't remember my talent" Hajime answered

"Maybe you're the Ultimate Amnesia"

"That's not even funny"

"What about the Ultimate big shoujoi-ai boy?" Ibuki suggessted

"I have no idea what that means, so no"

"Ultimate talks a lot?" Akane asked

"That's not even a thing"

"What about the Ultimate retard?" Hiyoko asked giggling

"Maybe you're the Ultimate bitch!"

"Waaaaaaahhh! I'm being oppressed!"

"Wait what?"

"What is going on here?!" Mahiru asked who suddenly appeared

"*hic* *hic* Hajime's bullying me. He-he called me the Ultimate bitch!" Hiyoko faked cried

"Oh that's bullsh#t!" Hajime exclaimed

"Men shouldn't bully little girls! They should protect them from bullies!" Mahiru yelled

"She called me the Ultimate Retard!"

"She was probably joking!"

"How do you know I wasn't?"

"Because you're a guy!"

"Um...if I might say something. H-hiyoko did say that without joking-" Mikan began

"Shut up you pork puke!" Hiyoko yelled

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"You're gonna let that one slide?" Hajime asked

"Hiyoko's just joking" Mahiru said

"Mikan's crying"

"Oh, she's fine"

"The floor is flooding again"

"Nothing to worry about"

"F#cking social justice warriors"

"Alright, alright enough with the yelling. I have an announcement to make" Byakuya announced

"Is it that we're out of food, because we're out of food" Akane said

"Every dish I bring out you immediately scarf it down! Teruteru whined

"I thought they were for me"

"They were for everyone!"

"You should've said something then"

"I did! While you were eating!"

"Oh yeah that's your first problem, I tend to mute people out when I eat"

"Can I ever get started now?" Byakuya asked

"What do you have to say?" Sonia asked

"Get them hastags in people, because tonight we are having ourselves a par-tey"

"Swag" Nagito said who had on a gold chain around his neck as well and pink sunglasses and a fedora on his head

"Is it really such a good idea to have party now?" Kazuichi asked

"No one cares about your opinion so you're being ignored"

"But is it really a good time?" Nekomaru asked

"The best of times. High school students? A tropical island? We went swimming yesterday so all we need is some cars and helicopters and we will be officially living the dream"

"I do wish to partake in this party high school students participate in. I wished to get, how you say, 'turned up'?" Sonia asked

"You are precious" Kazuichi gawked

"But where will be find a place to accommodate all 16 of us?" Peko asked

"You can go to the shack down by here" Monomi suggested who suddenly appeared

"IT'S ALIIIIIIIVVVVEEEE?!" Nekomaru screamed

"Really?!" Hajime complained

"There's a shack right by the hotel, it's a bit dusty but has plenty of room you guys" Monomi said

"Excellent, now leave" Byakuya said

"Wait, I was thinking that we could work together and-"

"I will roast you on a fire and eat you!"

"Eyaaaahhh!" Monomi then ran away

"Maybe that was a little harsh? Do you think we should invite her?" Sonia asked

"No, I don't want her there" Hajime said

"Why?" Chiaki asked

"Well she's...weird"

 _*swish* flashback *swish*_

"Hey Hajime wanna see me turn this chicken into a cow?" Usami asked

"Not really" Hajime answered

"Too late! Turn into a moo cow!" Usami waved her wand and the chicken transformed into a cow

"...Why would do that? Why?! You have f#cked up it's bio-structure forever! That isn't cute, it's-OH, OH LOOK! IT'S TRYING TO LAY AN EGG, BUT IT CANT BECAUSE IT'S A COW!" The now cow was pooping and out with it's poop came yellow yoke like liquid and pieces of a little calf and chick.

"...Maybe that wasn't such good idea after all"

 _*swish* Back to the present *swish*_

"So yeah, no to her" Hajime said

"Well, if that shack really is dusty then one of us will have to clean it. Fortunately I thought this would happen so I have these straws we could draw here" Nagito said who no longer had the glasses, chain, or fedora.

"Wait, you 'knew' this would happen?"

"Yes"

"You 'knew' all of this? That we would have a party and at some specific place?"

"Yes"

"I'm suspicious"

"Just pick the dumb straw Hajime" Byakuya ordered

"Oh boy, I wonder which one of it'll be. I can say it'll probably suck to whoever has to clean that old-" Nagito said as everyone was picking a

straw then he was the only left...who had the smallest piece "-oh my god"

"Haha, more like Ultimate UNLucky student, amirite? Hahahahahahaha!" Hajime laughed

"Ahaha..hahaha..hahahaha..ahahaha... **AHAHAHAHA...AHAHA...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA**!" Nagito laughed too, who then laughed much harder and his eyes swirled up.

"Ahaha..haha...ha...haha..." Hajime's laugh died out shortly after

"Ahahahahahaha...ahahaha...hahahaha...haha...*sigh*" Nagito's laughed died down as well

...

...

...

"Well, I better get started on that shack" Nagito said running out of the restaurant.

"Um...okay?" Hajime said 'Hmm, now what should I do while everything's getting ready?' Hajime thought to himself 'Maybe I'll go talk to some

of the others around here. They may be different but maybe I'm judging too quickly. I should go learn about my new comr-'

 _*swish* That evening *swish*_

"Oh-okay! That's just fine! Just-just skip all the time I could've used for, you know, character development. But it's fine, no big deal! It-

it's fine, JUST FINE!" Hajime yelled at the sky

"Hey Hajime look at how well I cleaned up this place, completely by a random draw" Nagito said to Hajime when he walked in shack's dining hall.

"I'm still suspicious"

"But wait, where's Fuyuhiko?" Nekomaru asked

"He said and I quote: 'F#ck off you fat, four eyed penguin f#ck!', then he walked away putting black sunglasses on. It was weird because I heard a song and the words 'thug life' just came into my mind" Byakuya answered

"That's him alright" Peko said

"It's fine if just one of us isn't present, now then let's get turned-What is that?!"

"What's wha-" Sonia asked before Byakuya began to devour meat on skewers "OH MY GOD!"

"MY FOOOOOOOD!" Akane yelled

"Men are such pigs! This is why they all need to die! Equality for everyone!" Mahiru shouted

"Hey everyone, I got the rest of the-WHAT DA F#CK BYAKUYA!?" Teruteru yelled when he saw the horrid sight

"You! Cook! What is this!?" Byakuya asked

"Well let me see it looks like SOME DINGUS JUST DESTROYED MY MEAT DAT I DON COOKED UP!

"Did anyone notice that Teruteru just changed accents?" Hajime asked

"These meats were on metal skewers, dangerous weapons!" Byakuya corrected

"Of course nobody does"

"C'mon Hajime, we're going to the kitchen and grabbing every weapon in sight"

"Aw, what?! Why do I have to come?"

"Because you're the Ultimate Bitch"

"Haha! #calledit" Hiyoko laughed

 _*swish* At the kitchen *swish*_

"Okay I have nearly everything here but according to this equipment list there's one metal skewer missing, do you know where that might be?" Byakuya asked

"Oh that's been gone since ever, yep yep gone, never existed, out of sight and out of mind, nope nope nope, no skewer here nope nope" Teruteru answered quickly

"I'm suspicious" Hajime said

"Well that seems legit, let's go Hajime"

"Son of bitch, every time. Well where are you going to put these things anyway?"

"In my stomach!"

"Wait, really?!"

"No dumbass! It'll be put in this duralumin case that I brought with me and Peko will guard another one in the office by the circuit breakers"

"You seem surprisingly well planned for this. Why is that?"

"Reasons"

"Suspicious"

 _*swish* Back at the dining hall *swish*_

"Okay we got almost everything prepared before we can begin, but someone's going to have to block the front door to keep Monokuma out" Byakuya

said

"But wouldn't mean that technically two people are out in the open making a murder while easy to solve, more likely to happen" Kazuichi asked

"Do not question your leader's logic!"

"I'll go" Chiaki offered

"Fine, but don't fall asleep"

"I won't"

 _*swish* when Chiaki gets outside *swish*_

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

 _*swish* Back at the dining hall *swish*_

"Alright everyone, now we can be officially begin #byakuya'sbitchin'party" Byakuya announced

"Ah, he said it!" Ibuki squealed

"But I must remind everyone not to do anything crazy!"

"Oh c'mon Byakuya, I'm sure everyone won't go that crazy" Hajime said

 _*swish* 5 minutes later *swish*_

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" all the guys shouted as Hajime was jugging down a glass of orange juice.

"*gulp* *gulp* *gulp* Ah, thirty! WOOHOOO!" Hajime cheers and then smashes the glass down

"Hajime! Stop breaking things, glass will be everywhere!" Byakuya shouted

"Hey Byakuya, look over here!" Mahiru called out, Byakuya turned around just in time for "Selfie!"

"Photobomb!" Ibuki yelled getting in the way of Mahiru's shot

"Ibuki! You ruined my picture!"

"You two stop arguing over trivial things!" Byakuya yelled at them

"Uggghh! B-Byakuya...I...I need to use the bathroom...ooogghh" Nekomaru groaned in pain

"Yuck, then go already! You're not five years old, you don't need my permission. Now stop acting so childish-HIYOKO STOP JUMPING ON THE TABLE!"

"Shut up! You can't tell me what to do!" Hiyoko shouted at him, before the table broke uderneath and made her fall onto the floor. "Owwwww. Waaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! It huuuurrrttts, it really hurrrrtttsss! Waaaaaaaahhhh!"

"Byakuya! What were you thinking letting her do that! God, this is why all men are assholes and need to die!" Mahiru complained as she went over to Hiyoko

"This literally could not get any worse" Byakuya sighed

*Beep* *lights go out*

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Okay guys, the power may be out. But...I believe...if we just stay calm about this, everything will work itself out-" Hajime said trying to calm everyone down, but failed

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!"

"The darkness have betrayed me! I am YOUR master!"

"Should we hasttag this?! #Darkness #Freakingthef#ckout"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh hi there. Oof, sh#t!"

"This is not kawaii desu ba, this is the opposite of kawaii desu ba!"

"Everyone follow my voice, and when you feel something hard you've found me"

"No one do that!"

*click* *lights come back on*

"Oh good, the lights came back on" Hajime sighed "Now let's back to the party, I want to try and go for forty glasses"

"Hey, where's Byakuya?" Sonia asked, then silence filled the room

"Alright everyone, I-I'm sure if we just go around and look he'll be-"

"I think I smell blood, from underneath that table back there" Akane said, silencing the room again with a thick tension

"O-okay guys...let's all just relax here, haha. I-I'm sure...if I go over there and it's Byakuya...he'll be pranking us. Then we can go back to partying, okay?" Hajime slowly and nervously walked towards the table "Ok, wh-when I lift the sheet, Byakuya will jump out and try to scare us.

Like 'Oh surprise guys!' and we'll be like 'Oh-oh my goshes, you so got us ahaha' hahahaha. So get r-ready guys. Byakuya? Come on out-"

When Hajime lifts the sheet and finds Byakuya laying face down on the floor with blood all around him, dead.

"...S-see guys...it's a prank guys. All of this...pink...fake...blood...everywhere..."

"He's dead Hajime" Monokuma said appearing behind Hajime

"Aaah!"

THE END!

 **Here's the second episode. A lot of you guys really seem to enjoyed the first episode so I gave you a second episode ASAP. I can only dream of how far this will go. Let me know what I do to improve and what you really liked about it. So cya soon, Ciao!**


	3. Episode 3: Giggle at the Hopely

**This episode of DR2 Abridged is brought to by Hope Bagels. Hope Bagels: a bit of hope in every bite.**

Byakuya is dead under the table with blood pouring out

"Oh no, Byakuya's dead. Do you know what that means?" Hajime asked everyone

"A first of the prick actually dying?" Akane asked

"No worse, it means on of us will become the prick!" Everyone gasps at what Hajime says

"The horror!" Sonia says

"So, who's ready to talk about murders?" Monokuma asked, a childish yay track was heard. "Don't tell Monomi I said this buuuuuuuuttt, you are now going to investigate and find clues as to who killed Byakuya"

"You expect a bunch of high school students to investigate murders professionally?" Mahiru asked

"Well, better and more professional then the police, I mean with the police brutality lately..."

"That only because they're men who deserve to die! Put women on the police force!"

"Please don't encourage her" Hajime begged

"Now then, I'll see you all later. Don't disappoint me!" Monokuma said as he disappeared

"*sigh* Oh well, guess it's time to-MIKAN?! OH MY GOD!"

"I...*sniffle*...I tripped..." Mikan started to cry

"You...you tripped?" Akane asked

"Y-yes...now if you all...can p-p-p-please help me..."

"No no no no no no, let's analyze this for a second. You fell down, on your back. There's a plate of food in between your privates, and sausage wrapped around your legs and arms. So I must ask, how did you do this?!" Hajime said

"This is the best day of my life" Kazuichi said gawking at the sight

"This is kawaii desu ba! Moe moe moe!" Ibuki cheered

"Wow, you have a fan service moment. That means you have nothing special about you!" Hiyoko teased

"Aaaaand now the boner's gone" Hajime said

"Well that was fun, I can safely say that anyone who happened to miss out on this will most likely kick themselves later" Nagito said "So, wanna come with me and find clues?"

"Wait, why with you?"

"We gotta get the yaoi started somehow"

"I'm straight"

"And I'm pan"

"*grrrrroooooaaaaannnnnn!*" _'So me and Nagito went around looking for clues as to who the killer might be. Some people were helpful'_ "Hey Mikan, you're a nurse. Can you please check the body out a little more?"

"Yes. A-and I think I see some night vision goggles underneath the table with Byakuya. Perhaps he had them in h-h-his duralumin case"

"Hey wow, you might be right. Thanks, Mikan"

"R-really! You...you're actually...thanking-"

"You're fat!" Hiyoko cried out to her

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Really?!" Hajime yelled _'Some weren't that helpful'_ "Hey Mahiru, you took photos right? Maybe you can use them to determine where everone was during the party"

"Why don't you man up and go do that yourself!" Mahiru complained

"Because you're the one with the camera"

"That's just a lazy man excuse"

"Why don't you do it because you're a self independent woman who doesn't need a man to do things for her"

"That's the men job!"

"F#CKING! SOCIAL! JUSTICES! WARRIORS!" _'Some were weird'_

"Ibuki came remember every voice that was heard from the dining hall" Ibuki said cheerfully

"..."

"Aren't you going to ask her about the voices we heard?" Nagito asked

"I'm weighing my options" _'Some even more weird'_

"So the office has this breaker that controls the power" Kazuichi said

"So it does"

"And Peko was the one guarding the office, which makes her action suspicious"

"Bitch, I'mma cu-ooh oooooh uuuuggghh." Peko started to threathen but then held her stomach in pain "Orrrggh! Orrrrgghh! Aw, screw it! I'll cut you later!" Then Peko groans even more and starts to run for the bathroom.

"Gross" _'Some were suspicious'_ "Hey Teruteru do you mind if I ask you some questions about where you were?"

"What uh..wh-why would you? There's nothing to ask, nothing to see here, just a chef and his meat heheh. THAT'S NOT MYSTERIOUS by the way. Lalalala" Teruteru said sweating

"Seems legit to me" Nagito said

"Not even going to try anymore" Hajime said _'Others were obvious'_

"Hey Hajime look at this. These irons were turned on and so were the air conditioners, they must've drained the power out. I wonder who could do such a thing?"

"...No idea" _'More things were obvious'_

"Hinata-kun!"

"Don't call me that...EVER!"

"Look! A letter for Byakuya in his room, it must be threat letter. What do you think it means?"

The letter read:

 _"Hiiiii Byakuya~,_

 _Just thought I should let you know that I may or may not kill someone tommorrow_

 _But don't worry, it shall be a day filled with_

 __ _ **HOOOOOOPPPPPPPPEEEEEEE~**_

 _So you shouldn't have to worry, teehee! :)_

 _Hugs and Kisses,_  
 _Annonomys"_

The o's and the i's dots had holes in them to look like bagels. And the word hope was all black.

"...No idea" Hajime said _'Some were useless'_

"My hell hound earing is missing!" Gundham yelled as he was running around aimlessly

"Gundham there's a more important murder-"

"MY HELL HOUND EARING!"

"God dang it Gundham" _'Some were unneeded'_

"Hey Fuyuhiko, where were you at the time of the crime?"

"Up your mother's vag-hole, that's where?" He answered. Then "where the hood at?" started playing and Fuyuhiko put on sunglasses

"You that's getting old real quick right?" _'And some were...er...'_

"I was finally able to use to bathroom!" Nekomaru yelled out

"..." 'And after all that we finally finished and were told arrive at...' "Mt...MonokumaMoore...okay, sure"

"How do we even get inside anyway?" Kazuichi asked. Then one of the rocks opened up it's mouth and out came an escalator.

"...I have been here 2 days and are already 1200% done"

 _*swish* At the trial ground *swish*_

"Welcome to the class trial!" Monokuma announced "It's basically like Ace Attorney except you're all the defense and prosecutors at the same time! And all your lawful and civil rights have suddenly vanished and don't exist anymore here. Oh one more thing, if you can't the real killer then everyone but the killer is going to die, so have fun!" *Bang!* *Bang!*

"Before we begin, I have to ask. Did someone really-" Nagito started

"YES! SOMEONE HERE F#CKING KILLED BYAKUYA! THAT'S A STUPID F#CKING QUESTION THAT SHOULD NEVER BE ASKED IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"Sooooo, where do we begin with?" Kazuichi asked

"How about how Byakuya's body was underneath the table?" Chiaki asked

"Well there were some night vision goggles under there as well, maybe Byakuya moved there out of his own free will" Hajime brought up

"YOUR REASONING IS OUT OF FOCUS!" Mahiru yelled

"What the?"

"No, the killer brought those goggles to the crime scene!"

"Wait, if you would please let me just-"

"Dumb Hajime! Of course a dumb man like you would end up getting the facts wrong!"

"ALLOE ME TO CUT THROUGH THOSE WORDS! As I was about to say, in a duralumin case Byakuya had with him there's a small bag for the night vision goggles. Meaning Byakuya was the only one who could've gotten them"

"O-okay...I guess that...makes sense then"

"Then I guess we should discuss the sudden blackout then?" Sonia asked

"Yeah,and I know exactly who caused it. You, Peko Pekoyama!" Kazuichi clamied

"Did you really do it Peko?" Akane asked

"No" she answered

"Okay then"

"Don't trust her so easily!" Kazuichi shouted

"Bitch, I'mma cut now" Peko threatened

"Okay"

"Besides, I wasn't in the office at the time anyway"

"I AGREE WITH THAT! You were probably in the bathroom at that earlier considering how Nekomaru only went after the murder"

"It's true, my sh#t was starting to constipate and grow in my intestines" Nekomaru added

"Dude, there's a phrase called TMI, and you need to learn it" Fuyuhiko said

"*sigh* In the end, this is all pointless. No matter what we do we won't ever find the killer" Nagito sighed

"Wait, when did you start talking like that?" Hajime asked

"Let's just quit already. I mean, there isn't a single piece of evidence that points to anybody suspicous at all"

"NO! THAT'S WRONG! Funny how you mention that Nagito, because my sources say that-"

"Oh, now I'm an object huh?! This is exactly the reason all men are scumbags!" Mahiru complained

"I heard that you were the only one near the table before the blackout"

"That's totally a coincidence. Ahahaha" Nagito laughed

"But, you had the chance to. Weren't you the one who was cleaning the shack today"

"Yeah, you did that on purpose didn't you?" Mahiru asked

"Uuuuuuuhhhhhmmmm..." Nagito started to sweat

"Well Nagito?!" Hajime asked

"...Do you guys want to see something cool?"

"Huh?"

"Happy, sad, happy, sad, happy, sad" Nagito said, as his hand waved across his face "Happy, sad, happy, **CRAZY!"**

"What the fu-"

" **AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, OH THIS IS SO F#CKING BEAUTIFUL! ALL THIS HOPE AROUND EVERYONE IS MAKING ME C#M LIKE MAD!** "

"What the actual f#ck is this?!" Fuyuhiko asked

"You're eyes are all swirly!" Kazuichi cried

"Kowaikowaidesu!" Ibuki cried

"How long were you like this?!" Hiyoko asked

"Am I being punked right now? Is Ashton Kutcher going to come out any second?" Hajime asked

"All this **HOPE** ful **HOPE** is truly amazing! All of the ultimates working together for a once thought **HOPE** less case, but now with all your **HOPES** coming with an extremely, bright, shining **HOPE**! It is truly beautiful! Ahahaa" Nagito laughed

"Can we just vote and kill him already?"

"About time someone said something that makes sense" Fuyuhiko agreed

"Um-um...can we please hold on a...a..minute please?" Mikan asked

"No! Now shut up and die you worthless pork rind!" Hiyoko tormented the nurse

"Just because of that, I'm going to listen to what she has to say" Hajime said

"Oh what the hell man?! I thought we had something!" Fuyuhiko asked

"Um...I saw that the body...had um...stab wounds thinner than the knife..and probably came from under...th-the floor" Mkian explained

"Then they can't certainly be from Nagito who was with us!" Sonia said

"Well in that case, I guess there's no one else who could be the killer then-" Teruteru spoke nervously

"Maybe it was you, Teruteru?" Hajime asked

"WHA-WHA-WHA-WHAAAAA?! DOH, WHY YOU GODDA BE ACCUSIN' ME OF THAT ANYWAY!"

"I'm just saying, that it's a possibility. I mean there was a missing skewer from the kitchen and you weren't with us at the dining hall so that means that you had a chance"

"P-P-PARIS HILTON! AVIRRL LAVINGE! YOU A HICK, A HICK! ASHOAHSOAHSOAHSOAHSOAHSOAHAOAHAOSHAOAHSOAHSOA!"

"Yeah that's making us believe you by the way"

"WHERE DA WEAPON'?! WHERE DA WEAPON' DEN!?"

"...I got it! The answer is...On The Meat Bone!"

"WRONG!"

"Um,...then...The Meat On Bone!"

"WRONG!"

"...The Bone On Meat?"

"WRONG!"

"WHAT?!"

 _*swish* 2 hours later *swish*_

"WRONG!"

"BULLSH#T I SAID IT RIGHT! ON THE BONE MEAT!"

"WRONG!"

"F#CK!"

At his point multilpe people in the trial stopped caring. Mahiru was on her phone liking and reblogging things from her tumblr app, Chiaki was sleeping, Nekomaru went to the bathroom and came back, Akane went to the dining hall and came back with more food for her to eat.

"Ugh! Screw this!" Monokuma complained. He grabbed a peice of paper, wrote something on it, and then chucked it at Hajime.

"Ow! What the...'Meat On The Bone'?" Hajime read

"AAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEE! HOW DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?!" Teruteru shouted

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"Well, now that we have finally finished this trial. Teruteru was the one who killed Byakuya!" Monokuma announced

"I...I just don't care anymore...just...just go on with it"

"So why? Why did you do it?!" asked Akane

"Him! He made me do it!" Teruteru accused when he pointed at Nagito. "At the shack I saw him doing everything, so I confronted him"

 _*swish* Flashback *swish*_

"Oh hi Teruteru, what's up?" Nagito asked with a smile on his face

"Oh nothing, nothing. I saw walking around and was wondering um...what are you doing exactly?" Teruteru asked

"Oh, I'm planning to murder somebody tonight"

"Oh, oh okay! Well I'll see you later then..." Teruteru walked away before stopped and thought about it for a minute "...wait what?"

"I'm planning to murder someone"

"...Wh-why? Why?!"

"Because, this way I make everyone's **HOPE** shine bright tonight"

"Th-that's...that's so wierd! And wrong!"

"Huh? Weird you say? Makes sense in my head"

"And what happen if I stop you"

"Oh ho ho, Teruteru. You can't stop me, because even if you do, I'll just try again the next day. And the next, and then the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day..."

 _*swish* back to the present *swish*_

"...and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day..." Nagito kept saying right in Teruteru's ear

"Nagito, stop that" Chiaki ordered

"Okay" Nagito then backed off

"And I also have another reason...my mom" Teruteru answered

"Awww" all the girls squealed

"My mom has illness. I left her all alone back home, so I wondered what happened to her and I wanted to see her!"

"Awww, that's sweet" Monokuma teased "...Too bad your feelings matter here. So you gonna die!"

"What?" Teruteru askerd before having a chain clasp wrapped around his neck "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed as he was being dragged out by the chain. Then on a monitor an image started appearing.

"Hell-ooo, my wonderful people! It is I, your gracious host, Chef Monokuma! And welcome to another episode of Kuma Kooks!" Monokuma said on the screen. Wearing a chef hat and was on what appeared to be a studio kitchen set. Then the scene changed and he was in a helicopter. "And today, I will show you how to make 'Teruteru hash browns'."

"Wait, what's going on?!" Teruteru asked as he was on the beach tied up on a pole

"First, you batter your Teruteru in eggs" Monokuma said, as he pressed a button as launched a giant missle at Teruteru.

"Wha-HHHUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH?!" *BOOM!* Teruteru was covered in yellow yoke.

"Next, you bread your Teruteru" Monokuma pressed another button and fired a bunch of smaller missles. Teruteru was now covered in feathers ontop of the eggs. "Lastly" Monokuma then hooked a chain to Teruteru's pole and flew to a volcano "You cook your Teruteru at approxatimately 2000 degrees for 30 seconds" Then pressed another button and unhooked Teruteru as he fell into the volcano. Teruteru popped out all brown and crispy. "Now you have your Teruteru hash browns! Join me next week when I show you how to make Mondo yogurt!" The screen turned off.

"Everyone in the trial ground stared at the screen absent mindedly of what they have just saw.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Who wants some?!" Monokuma asked appearing with their cooked friend on a plate.

THE END!

 **And there's episode 3. Took longer than I thought it would be but regardless it is out. Take that SHSL Jester, it's not dead and Dungeons and Despair doesn't get in the way of it! Yeah, that's right! I'm calling you out! Joking aside, the 2 stories don't interfere with each other and I would appreciate if people didn't say that. So until next time, chow! F#ck, I messed it up!**


End file.
